Dirty Jokes

Joke: A man boards a train and discovers that he is sitting next to the pope. He sits down but is way to shy to speak. He notices that the pope is doing a crossword puzzle and gets excited because he is very good at crossword puzzles.

Sure enough, the pope asks him for help a few minutes later, "What is a four letter word for a woman that ends with u-n-t?"

The man quickly responds, "I think you're looking for the word 'Aunt'."

The pope replies, "Oh! Of course... Do you have an eraser?"

Joke: A girl hits puberty and starts to grow hair between her legs. She asks her mom what's going on to which she replies, "Don't worry about that, that's your monkey. It's natural that your monkey will grow hair."

Later at dinner the girl tells her older sister, "Guess what? My monkey already started growing hair!."

Her older sister replies, "That's nothing, mine is already eating bananas."

Joke: While Mrs. Jones is cooking dinner she sees that the cookie jar is open and that it is wet and sticky. She goes to her husband and asks him about it. He says he has no idea. Then she walks into her son little Billy's room. She is shocked to see him eating cookies with condoms on his hands.

"Why do you have condoms on your hands!?" she asked him.

He looks at her and says, "I heard daddy on the phone. He said when he uses them you never catch him!"

Joke: A man, his wife, and his son all go to a nude beach. Naturally, the young son has lots of questions. He runs to his father, "Dad! Dad! All of the women have these things hanging from their chests!"

His father tells him, "Son, those are breasts. The women with large ones are dumb and the small ones are smart."

Soon after the son comes running again, "Mom! Mom! All of the guys have these things dangling between their legs!"

The mom replies, "Those are called penis'. The men with the big ones are dumb and the men with small ones are smart."

A little bit later the son runs up to his mom and asks her, "Mom! Mom! Is being dumb contagious? Dad is talking to a really dumb lady and he keeps getting dumber and dumber."

Joke: A mailman is doing his final route after 30 years on the job. At the first house he goes to they give him an expensive watch. The second family is waiting for him and gives him an expensive bottle of wine.

At the third house their is a hot blonde in lingerie. She takes him into her room and they make love for hours. Then she takes him downstairs and makes him waffles. Finally she gives him a card with $10 in it.

He asks her "Why did you do all of this?"

She replies "When I asked my husband what we should do for you he said 'Fuck him. Give him $10 in a card.' The waffles were my idea."