Dirty Jokes

Joke: A taxi driver picks up three drunk guys. He knows their drunk so he turns the car on, sits there for a second, and turns it off. Then he said "Here we are!"

The first guy hands him the money and the second guy thanks him. But the third guy slaps him hard on the face. The taxi driver is surprised he figured it out, but asks him "What the hell?"

The man replies "You need to slow down next time, you almost killed us."

Joke: A man goes to a restaurant and is seated by an extremely hot waitress. When she asks him for his order he replies, "I'll have a quickie." The waitress storms off angry.

After she regains composure she comes back and asks him once again what he will have. He replies, "All I want is a quickie." She can't control herself this time so she slaps him.

A man sitting near him leans over and whispers, "Sir, I think it's pronounced 'Quiche'."

Joke: The dove is the bird of peace and the hawk is the bird of war. What is the bird of true love?

Joke: John was a man who, like many people, ate out of boredom. He would often eat things just because they were in front of him.

This is how he lost his job as a gynecologist.

Joke: Wife: Do I look fat in these jeans?
Husband: Can I be completely honest with you without you getting mad?
Wife: Of course!
Husband: And you won't get mad?
Wife: Yeah.
Husband: Okay... I fucked your sister.