Dirty Jokes

Joke: A man walks into a bar and asks for rum and coke. The bartender hands him an apple. The man, surprised, takes a bite of the apple and it tastes like rum.

The bartender says, "Turn it around!"

The man takes a bite and says, "And that's coke!"

Another man came into the bar and orders gin and tonic. The bartender hands him an apple and tells him to take a bite. The man is surprised to taste tonic. The bartender tells him to flip it around and he tastes gin.

A third man comes into the bar and the previous two men excitedly tell him about the apples, "You can order anything and the bartender will give you an apple that tastes like it!"

The man, not believing them, says, "Oh yeah? Give me an apple that tastes like pussy." The bartender hands him an apple and the man takes a bite. He immediately spits it out and yells, "That tastes like shit!"

The bartender says, "Turn it around."

Joke: A man goes to a liquor store and buys some expensive beer. While heading home he stops at a gas station to get some gas. A smoking hot blonde pulls up next to him and sees that he has expensive beer. Sensually, she asks him "I'm always up for a good trade. How about sex for beer?"

He replies "What kind of beer do you have?"

Joke: A man sitting behind a woman on the bus taps her on the shoulder, "Ma'am, I believe you have semen on the back of your jacket."

She replies, "I'm sure it's not semen. It must be yogurt or something."

He says, "I'm pretty sure I don't ejaculate yogurt."

Joke: Tom's wife has been in a coma for months. Her attendants have noticed that every time they wash her crotch she moves a little bit. Desperate, they ask Tom if he would perform oral sex on his wife in an attempt to wake her up. Tom agrees and asks for some privacy in the room. Soon after, he rushes out in a panic and says, "I think she's choking!"

Joke: A man from Tennessee takes his daughter to the doctor and tells the doctor his daughter need birth control.

The doctor asks, "How old is she?"

He replies, "15."

"And she's sexually active," the doctor asks.

The man replies, "Naw, she just lays there like her mother."