Dirty Jokes

Joke: A husband takes his wife golfing for the first time. He warns her to be careful but on her first drive she sends a long drive directly to her left into a large window of a mansion. "Jeez! I told you to be careful. Let's go apologize and see how much that will cost us."

They go to the front door of the house and hear a booming voice, "Come in!" As they enter the house they see glass everywhere, a broken antique lamp, and a man sitting in a large recliner.

"We're really sorry, sir," The husband apologizes.

The man in the recliner replies, "Don't worry about it, I've been stuck in that lamp for some time. You see, I'm a genie. I have three wishes to grant. I'll give one to each of you and save the last one for myself if you don't mind. So what are your wishes?"

The husband, shocked, says, "I want ten million dollars!"

The genie says, "The money is waiting for you at your house. And you?"

The wife says, "I wish for a large house in every country with maids and servants!"

The genie closes his eyes and focuses, "Done! They are all safe and sound. Now it is time for my wish. I want to have sex with your wife."

The man and his wife look at each other shocked. The wife says, "He did give us ten million dollars and countless homes... What do you think?"

The man replies, "He's just a genie, and he did do a lot for us."

So the wife and the genie go upstairs and enjoy each other for hours. After hours of passionate lovemaking the genie rolls over, "How old are you and your husband?"

She replies, "We're both 30. It's great what you did for us."

The genie replies, "It's great that you guys are 30 years old and still believe in genies."

Joke: What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?

Joke: Little Johnny: Dad. Why do we have holes in or penises?

Joke: Three woman are sitting and talking about the best soda pop based nicknames for their boyfriends. One girl says "My boyfriend is like 7-Up because he can keep it up all week."

The next girl says "Oh yeah? My boyfriend is like Mountain Dew because he can do me on top of my mountains any day."

The last woman says "You can call my boyfriend Jack Daniels."

Another girl protests "You have to compare him to a pop. That's a hard liquor."

The last girl replies with a wink "Exactly."

Joke: A man and woman get married and she quickly learns how controlling he is. Immediately he tells her "I'm going to tell you right now; I will get home whenever I want, I expect dinner to be ready everyday when I get home, and I will go drink with my friends whenever I want."

She looks at him and tells him "Okay, I'm going to tell you right now; there is going to be sex here every night at 7 O'clock whether you are here or not."