Funny Jokes

Joke: A man with no arms went to a guitar shop. He grabs a guitar and asks the owner of the establishment, "How much for this one?"

The owner replies, "$300. If you don't mind me asking, how are you going to use it?"

The man replies, "I'll just play it by ear..."

Joke: Knock knock!
Who's there?
The polite interrupting cow.
The polite inter...
Excuse me! I'm sorry to interrupt, but moo!

Joke: A man takes a job as the cook on a ship just before a long voyage. He looks around the kitchen for a few hours and all he can find is potatoes in the shape of penises.

He finds the captain and asks him, "Captain, what's with all of the penis shaped potatoes? That's all I can find and I don't think I like it."

The captain looks at him sternly and says, "There's nothing you can do about it. This is a dictatorship!"

Joke: What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer?

Joke: A little elderly lady goes to the doctor because she has been having a problem. She tells him "Doctor, lately I have been farting almost constantly. They don't bother me much because they don't smell or make noise, but it is still annoying. I've farted a hundred times since I got here, I bet you didn't know."

The doctor sends her home with some pills and she returns a week later. Angrily she tells him "Doctor! These pills you gave me have made my gas smell terrible. I don't want to take them anymore!"

The doctor smiles and replies "Great. Now that we have cleared your sinuses we can take care of that hearing problem."