Funny Jokes

 

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Joke: A man goes door-to-door selling vacuums and knocks on his first door. A big unkempt woman answers the door but before she can say anything he slips past her into the house. He immediately throws dog poop on the floor. She yells at him, "What are you doing?!"

He tells her, "If this vacuum doesn't clean this up I'll eat whatever's left."

She smiles and replies, "I'll grab you a fork. I haven't paid the electric bill in months."


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Joke: Four ladies are sitting together talking about their sons. The first one brags, "My son is is a bishop, every time he walks into a room people say, 'Your excellence'."

The second lady brags, "My son is is a cardinal, every time he walks into a room people say, 'Your eminence'."

The third lady brags, "My son is is the pope, every time he walks into a room people say, 'Your holiness'."

The final lady says, "My son doesn't have a title, he weighs 500 pounds and is only 5 feet tall. But every time he walks into a room everybody says, 'Oh my god!'"


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Joke: Why do they call the area between the boobs and vagina the 'waist'?


Punch line: You could easily fit two more boobs there.


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Joke: Why did the nurse bring a red pen to work?


Punch line: To draw blood.


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Joke: All the letters: a, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l, m, n, o, p, q, r, s, u, v, w, x, y, and z were having a meeting when they realized a letter was missing. X says, "Is somebody missing?"

D replies, "Must be an absentee."


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