Funny Jokes

Joke: A man with a dog walks into a bank that has a sign reading "No dogs." A security guard walks up to him and asks "Did you read the sign? No dogs."

The man replies "I know. Someone should fix that. It should say one dog."

Joke: I was alone and very depressed last night, so I called a Life Line. Got a friggin' Call Center in Pakistan by mistake. Told them I was suicidal. They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck. Bastards.

Joke: A man walks up to a bartender and tells him "I bet you $5,000 I can pee into a cup all the way across your bar."

The bartender, knowing this is impossible, agrees. They set it up and the man starts peeing all over the place, missing the cup completely. The bartender gets begins to cheer because he know he just won $5,000.
The man walks over to his friends and comes back to the bartender. He pays the bartender his money with a grin on his face. The bartender asks him "Why are you so happy? You just lost $5,000."

The man replies "I know, but I bet my friends $10,000 dollars that you would cheer while I pee all over the bar."

Joke: What is the formula for ice?

Joke: Two brothers, Timmy and Tommy, are very mischievous so they are sent to a religious reform school.

Almost immediately Timmy gets in trouble and is sent to the principle's office. The large principle looks at Timmy and asks "Do you know where God is?" Timmy's eyes get large but he doesn't say a word. The principle asks again louder "Do you know where God is?!" Timmy suddenly runs out of the room screaming.

Tommy discovers his brother crying in the corner of their room and asks him "What's wrong?"

Timmy responds "They don't know where God is and they think I took him!"