Funny Jokes

Joke: A man calls home, "Hi honey, is mommy there?"

"No daddy, she's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle John."

"But you don't have an Uncle John... Go up there, knock on the door, and yell, 'Daddy's home!' Okay honey?"

"Okay," she sets down the phone and goes to her mother's door and yells what she was told. "Okay I did it."

"And what happened?"

"Mommy jumped out of bed naked, tripped, and now she's not moving. Uncle John jumped out of the window into the pool, and now he's not moving."

Very long pause

"Wait... Pool? Is this 555-5598?"

Joke: How is a wife like a hand grenade?

Joke: A man comes to the entrance of Heaven and is told, "You haven't done anything good, but you haven't done anything bad either. If you can tell me of something amazing you have done, I will let you in."

The man replies, "Well, one time I was driving down the road and I saw some gang members threatening a young lady in an alleyway. I stopped and confronted them. I walked up to the biggest looking dude and slapped him and said, 'You need to leave this young lady alone, or I'm going to kick your ass!'"

The man at the entrance to heaven asked him, "When did this happen?"

The guy replies, "About five minutes ago."

Joke: What has a bottom at its top?

Joke: A man walks into a bar with his dog but the bartender says "You can't bring your dog into here!"

The man replies "but this is no ordinary dog. You see, this dog can talk. I'll prove it to you. What covers trees?"

The dog replies "Bark!"

He asks "What's on top of a house?"

The dog answers "Roof!"

Finally the man asks "Who's your favorite baseball player?"

The dog says "Ruth!" The bartender immediately throws them both out.

The man says "What was that guy's problem?"

The dog answers "Maybe he's not a fan of the Yankees."