Funny Jokes

Joke: Little Tommy asks his mom if he can have some animal crackers. His mom gives him a box of crackers and tells him he can have a few. His mom leaves and comes back in a few minutes finding all of the crackers on the floor with Tommy looking through them. His mother asks "What are you doing Tommy?"

Tommy replies "It said don't eat if the seal was already broken. But I can't find a seal!"

Joke: A man gets pulled over for drunk driving and is put into handcuffs. The female police officer that pulled him over tells him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you."

He stumbles and yells, "Tits!"

Joke: A 54-year-old man feels guilty about cheating on his wife so he leaves her a note, "I've been sleeping with a girl 1/3 my age."

The woman finds his note and leaves him one of her own: "I know you've been sleeping with an 18-year-old, but so have I. Since you like math so much, 18 goes into 54 a lot more than 54 goes into 18."

Joke: What is long and hard that every polish woman gets on her wedding night?

Joke: Little Johnny's Chemistry teacher wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he set up an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms. "Now, class. Observe what happens to the two the worms," said the professor putting the first worm in the glass of water. The worm in the water moved about, twisting and seemingly unharmed. He then dropped the second work in the whiskey glass. It writhed in pain for a moment, then quickly sank to the bottom and died. "Now kids, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" he asked. Little Johnny raised his hand and wisely responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!"