Dirty Jokes

Joke: A guy moves into a new house just outside of the city. While he is unpacking his car a truck pulls up and the window rolls down "Hey there neighbor! I just saw you were moving in and I wanted to invite you to a welcome party."

The guy puts his box down and replies "That sounds great."

The guy gets out of his truck and says "Yeah, there will be drinking, fighting, dancing and sex."

The new guy replies "Oh, okay. What should I wear?"

"You look fine," the neighbor replies, "It's just gonna be me and you anyways."

Joke: A girl hears about her grandfather dying so she goes to visit her grandmother. When she gets to her grandma's house she asks her what had happened. Her grandma replies "We were making love on a Sunday morning and he had a heart attack."

The girl is shocked, "Grandma, at your age sex is probably never a good idea."

Her grandmother replies "Don't worry dear. Your grandfather and I figured out a safe way. Every Sunday we would make love to the sound of the church bells, they were the perfect rhythm. If it wasn't for the ice cream truck, he would still be alive."

Joke: A prostitute is at a man's house after accepting payment. The man is in the bathroom taking a shower when the woman realizes she is on her period. She already accepted payment and the man is attractive, so she decides to turn the lights off and leave early in the morning.

They have some wild drunkin' sex and the woman leaves early in the morning. When the guy wakes up he sees a pool of blood next to him in the bed. "I must have shot her," he thinks to himself. But when he checks his gun it hasn't been shot.

Then he thinks, "I must have stabbed her." But when he checks the knifes in the kitchen their is not blood.

At this point he goes to the bathroom and looks up at himself in the mirror, "Oh no! I ate her!"

Joke: What has six balls and rapes the poor?

Joke: I asked a Chinese girl for her phone number.

She replied, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!"

I said, "Wow!"

But her friend ruined it and told me, "She means 666-3629."