Dirty Jokes

Joke: Why does Santa have the largest sack of all?

Joke: One evening a man went into a bar. He was surprised to see a little man, 15 inches tall, playing a piano. So he asked the bartender, "Where did you find him?" The bartender held up a bottle and said, "If you rub the bottle, a genie will come out and grant you a wish."

So he said "Oh wow! May I try it?" The bartender replied "Sure, go ahead." As soon as the man rubbed the bottle the genie came out and said, "Your wish is my command."

The man wished for a million bucks. Immediately a million ducks appeared. The man asked, "What's wrong with this genie? I asked for a million bucks, not ducks!"

The bartender replied, "Do you really think I wished for a 15 inch pianist?"

Joke: How does a wife know if her husband has a high sperm count?

Joke: A man gets arrested in a nightclub for having drugs. He tells the officer "There not mine, I found them. I tried to get rid of them, but every time I flush them down the toilet they reappear in my pocket."

Obviously the officer doesn't believe him but the man tells him "I can prove it!"

So they go into the bathroom and the man flushes the drugs. The officer smiles and says "Now take the drugs out of your pocket smart ass."

The man smiles and says "What drugs?"

Joke: One day a wife asked her husband, "Honey, would you please mow the lawn?" Her husband responded "Who do you think I am, John Deer?"

Later the wife asked, "Would you please paint the house?" Her husband said, "Who do you think I am, Sherwin Williams?" Then he left to go fishing for the weekend.

When he got back home, he was surprised to see the lawn was mowed and the house was painted. He asked her how she got all of it done. She said, "The guy next door did it. He wanted me to either bake him a cake or give him a blow job."

So the husband asked, "What kind of cake did you bake?" She replied, "Who do you think I am, Betty Crocker?"