Dirty Jokes

Joke: A man is getting a hotel room and he accidentally rubs his elbow against a woman's breasts. He tells her, "If your heart is a soft as your breasts, I know you'll forgive me."

She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, come to room 434."

Joke: What does 80-year-old pussy taste like?

Joke: Why are blonde women always mad when they get their licenses?

Joke: A man goes to a jewelry store with his girlfriend looking for a wedding ring on Friday. He tells the jeweler, "I need a very special ring for my girlfriend."

The jeweler looks around for a bit and finds a $5,000 ring, "This is a very nice one."

The man yells at the jeweler, "This isn't nearly expensive enough! Get me a better one!"

The jeweler scrambles and finds a $40,000 ring, "How about this one sir?"

The man replies, "That's more like it! I'll write you a check right now. But I know you want to verify I have the funds so I'll pick it up Monday afternoon after you check."

On Monday the jeweler calls the man, "Sir, you don't have nearly enough money in your bank account."

The man replies, "I know, but let me tell you about my weekend!"

Joke: John is catching peanuts in his mouth while sitting on the couch next to his wife. John's daughter comes into the house with her date and a peanut gets stuck in John's ear. Her date offers to help him. Her date sticks his fingers into John's nose and tells him to blow. The peanut flies out of his ear. His daughter goes to the kitchen with her date and his wife asks "Do you think she likes him?"

John says "From the smell of his fingers she likes him a lot."