Dirty Jokes

Joke: How are men like floors?

Joke: Two nuns are taking a walk when they are attacked by vampires. One of the nuns yells "Sister Annie! Show them your cross!"

Sister Annie runs at the vampires and yells "Get the fuck out of here!"

Joke: An old married couple was sitting on their porch in rocking chairs.

The old man grabs his wives breasts saying 'if these still made milk we wouldn't need the cows.' The old woman remains silent so he moves his hand.

A little later he reaches over and grabs her crotch and says 'if this still laid eggs we wouldn't need chickens.' The woman remains silent so he moves his hand.

A few minutes later, the woman grabs the old man's dick and says 'if that worked we wouldn't need your brother.'

Joke: Sally has been feeling harassed by one of her coworkers, John. She tells her employer that he has been harassing her and he asks her, "What does he do?"

She says, "He always tells me my hair smells nice."

Her boss replies, "That's not really sexual harassment."

Sally says, "He's three feet tall."

Joke: A pastor is standing before his congregation, "It has come to my attention that somebody has been telling lies about me. Somebody has been saying I am a member of the Ku Klux Klan. This is simply not true! Who has been telling this lie?"

Everybody is silent for a while. He speaks again, "Come on now, face your sins so you can be forgiven!"

Suddenly a drop dead gorgeous blonde rises and says, "I think somebody misunderstood me. I've been telling people that you are a wizard in the sheets."