Joke #1187

Joke: A man goes to a jewelry store with his girlfriend looking for a wedding ring on Friday. He tells the jeweler, "I need a very special ring for my girlfriend."

The jeweler looks around for a bit and finds a $5,000 ring, "This is a very nice one."

The man yells at the jeweler, "This isn't nearly expensive enough! Get me a better one!"

The jeweler scrambles and finds a $40,000 ring, "How about this one sir?"

The man replies, "That's more like it! I'll write you a check right now. But I know you want to verify I have the funds so I'll pick it up Monday afternoon after you check."

On Monday the jeweler calls the man, "Sir, you don't have nearly enough money in your bank account."

The man replies, "I know, but let me tell you about my weekend!"

Joke: Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come from?" His mother replies, "The stork brings them." Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, "Then who fucks the stork?"

Joke: Sally has been feeling harassed by one of her coworkers, John. She tells her employer that he has been harassing her and he asks her, "What does he do?"

She says, "He always tells me my hair smells nice."

Her boss replies, "That's not really sexual harassment."

Sally says, "He's three feet tall."

Joke: A man driving down the road slams on his breaks and honks the horn because there is a car stopped in the middle of the road. He storms out of his car and looks inside of the parked car to see a naked couple laying inside. He yells at them, "What are you doing in the middle of the road?! Why didn't you move when I honked?"

The naked man in the car yells back, "You were coming, I was coming, and she was coming. You were the only one with brakes!"

Joke: What's the best part about a gypsy on her period?

Joke: A little girl and boy are in a doctor's waiting room waiting for the doctor. The little girl starts to cry so the little boy asks her "What's wrong?"

The little girl responds "I have to get a blood test so they're going to cut open my finger."

The little boy's jaw drops and he says "Oh no! I'm getting a urine test."