Dirty Jokes

Joke: A man and woman are sitting next to each other on a train. The woman sneezes, shudders violently, then wipes her nose. The man takes notice but doesn't say anything because he doesn't want to be rude.

Five minutes later she sneezes again, violently shudders, and wipes her nose. The man becomes curious and asks her, "I couldn't help but notice every time you sneeze you shudder violently."

She replies, "Yeah, I have a rare disease. Every time I sneeze I have an orgasm."

He blushes, "Oh, do you take anything for it?"

She shakes her head, "Yeah, pepper."

Joke: What do 98 percent of men do after an orgasm?

Joke: A man walks into a bar and asks for rum and coke. The bartender hands him an apple. The man, surprised, takes a bite of the apple and it tastes like rum.

The bartender says, "Turn it around!"

The man takes a bite and says, "And that's coke!"

Another man came into the bar and orders gin and tonic. The bartender hands him an apple and tells him to take a bite. The man is surprised to taste tonic. The bartender tells him to flip it around and he tastes gin.

A third man comes into the bar and the previous two men excitedly tell him about the apples, "You can order anything and the bartender will give you an apple that tastes like it!"

The man, not believing them, says, "Oh yeah? Give me an apple that tastes like pussy." The bartender hands him an apple and the man takes a bite. He immediately spits it out and yells, "That tastes like shit!"

The bartender says, "Turn it around."

Joke: A man, his wife, and his son all go to a nude beach. Naturally, the young son has lots of questions. He runs to his father, "Dad! Dad! All of the women have these things hanging from their chests!"

His father tells him, "Son, those are breasts. The women with large ones are dumb and the small ones are smart."

Soon after the son comes running again, "Mom! Mom! All of the guys have these things dangling between their legs!"

The mom replies, "Those are called penis'. The men with the big ones are dumb and the men with small ones are smart."

A little bit later the son runs up to his mom and asks her, "Mom! Mom! Is being dumb contagious? Dad is talking to a really dumb lady and he keeps getting dumber and dumber."

Joke: A man goes to a jewelry store with his girlfriend looking for a wedding ring on Friday. He tells the jeweler, "I need a very special ring for my girlfriend."

The jeweler looks around for a bit and finds a $5,000 ring, "This is a very nice one."

The man yells at the jeweler, "This isn't nearly expensive enough! Get me a better one!"

The jeweler scrambles and finds a $40,000 ring, "How about this one sir?"

The man replies, "That's more like it! I'll write you a check right now. But I know you want to verify I have the funds so I'll pick it up Monday afternoon after you check."

On Monday the jeweler calls the man, "Sir, you don't have nearly enough money in your bank account."

The man replies, "I know, but let me tell you about my weekend!"