Dirty Jokes

Joke: How do you know if your girlfriend is getting fat?

Joke: Tom and John are hanging out. Tom asks John, "It's fuckin' freezin' in here. Can you get me my fuckin' slippers?"

John goes upstairs to get the slippers and he comes across Tom's hot 21-year-old twin sisters. He tells them, "Your brother told me to have sex with both of you."

One of the sisters replies, "Prove it!"

John yells downstairs, "Tom! Both of them?!."

Tom yells back, "Of course! What's the point of fuckin' one?!."

Joke: A man's wife comes up to him and tells him, "Take off my shirt." So he does.

She then tells him, "Take off my skirt and high heels." So he does.

Then she tells him, "Take off my bra and underwear." So he does.

Finally she tells him, "I better never find you wearing my clothes again."

Joke: What should you do when your wife starts smoking?

Joke: A washed up actor hasn't gotten a job in years. He has lost his ability to remember lines. But after looking for work for a very long time, finally he gets the lead role in a Broadway musical.

When he arrives at the theater the director tells him, "You have the most important part, but you only have one line. You walk onto stage with a rose; bring it close to your nose with your thumb, index, and middle fingers; and sniff it deeply. Then you will say, 'Oh, the smell of my lover.'"

When it comes time for him to say his line he walks onto stage and says, "Oh, the smell of my lover." With this the crowd begins to laugh hysterically and the director explodes with anger.

The actor runs off stage and asks, "Did I forget my lines?"

The director replies, "No! You forgot the flower."