Dirty Jokes

Joke: A man goes to a restaurant and is seated by an extremely hot waitress. When she asks him for his order he replies, "I'll have a quickie." The waitress storms off angry.

After she regains composure she comes back and asks him once again what he will have. He replies, "All I want is a quickie." She can't control herself this time so she slaps him.

A man sitting near him leans over and whispers, "Sir, I think it's pronounced 'Quiche'."

Joke: A man and a woman, who are both married to other people, find themselves forced to share a hotel room for a night. They feel weird at first, but they both fall asleep in their separate beds.

After a few hours of sleeping, the man wakes the woman up and asks her, "Could you grab me another blanket from the closet? I'm really cold."

The woman responds, "Or we could just pretend to be married for the night?"

The man replies, "That would be amazing."

The woman smiles and says, "Okay. Get your own fucking blanket!"

Joke: A couple has been happily married for ten years and have 4 kids. But for their entire relationship they have never had sex with the lights on because the husband refuses to ever have sex with the lights on. But one night, his wife decides to flick the lights on in the middle of sex. When she does she looks down and sees her husband using a dildo instead of his penis.

She becomes furious and yells at him, "Have you been doing this our entire relationship? You have some explaining to do!"

He looks at her, stunned, and says, "I'll explain this when you explain the kids."

Joke: A man's soon to be bride asks him, "What is a penis?"

He tells her, "You'll find out on our wedding night."

Their wedding night comes and he takes down his pants and tells her, "That my dear, is a penis."

His wife replies, "Oh! So it's like a cock, just smaller."

Joke: How is a 9 volt battery like your girlfriend's asshole?