Dirty Jokes

Joke: What's the difference between an erection and election?

Joke: A psychologist sets up an experiment and decides to conduct it on a mathematician and an engineer. The psychologist places two chairs at two ends of a hallway and puts the mathematician in one of them and a beautiful naked woman in the other. The psychologist tells him, "Every ten minutes I'll move your chair halfway to the woman and you can't leave your chair."

The mathematician replies, "That's ridiculous, I'll never reach her!" He storms out of the room.

Next the psychologist sets up the same experiment only with the engineer. When he tells the engineer that he will move him halfway every ten minutes he gets a huge smile on his face and starts flirting with the girl. The psychologist asks him, "Don't you realize you'll never actually get to her?"

He replies, "Yeah, but I'll quickly get close enough for all practical purposes."

Joke: Joe Bob goes to Billy Bob's barn to see what he's been up to. He sees Billy stripping for his John Deere tractor. He slowly removes his overalls and twerks on it. Joe bursts in and asks, "Billy! What are you doing?"

Billy exclaims, "Dang Joe! You scared the life out of me! Me and the wife went to counseling and the therapist says I need to do something sexy to a tractor."

Joke: One day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking his cigarettes. Little Johnny asked, "Grandpa, can I smoke some of your cigarettes?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No", said Little Johnny. His grandpa replied, "Then you're not old enough." The next day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa drinking beer. He asked, "Grandpa, can I drink some of your beer?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No" said Little Johhny. "Then you're not old enough." his grandpa replied. The next day, Little Johnny was eating cookies. His grandpa asked, "Can I have some of your cookies?" Little Johnny replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" His grandpa replied, "It most certainly can!" Little Johnny replied, "Then go fuck yourself.

Joke: Teacher: "Johnny, write a sentence ending with the word hand." Johnny: "My penis in your hand." Teacher: "What?" Johnny: "Sorry teacher, I forgot to put a space between pen is."