Dirty Jokes

Joke: The teacher asked little Johnny, “What’s two and two?”. He counted 1-2-3-4 on his fingers and said, “Four, teacher?”. She said, ” Yes, that’s right, but you counted on your fingers. Put your hands behind behind your back and tell me what’s three and three”. He put his hands behind his back, fumbled around, and answered, “Six, teacher?”. She said, “Yes, that’s right, but you’re still counting on your fingers. Put your hands in your pockets and tell me what’s five and five”. He put his hands in his pockets, fumbled around, and replied, “Eleven, teacher?”.

Joke: What is the last thing a Tickle-Me-Elmo gets before he is sent to the stores?

Joke: A girl hears about her grandfather dying so she goes to visit her grandmother. When she gets to her grandma's house she asks her what had happened. Her grandma replies "We were making love on a Sunday morning and he had a heart attack."

The girl is shocked, "Grandma, at your age sex is probably never a good idea."

Her grandmother replies "Don't worry dear. Your grandfather and I figured out a safe way. Every Sunday we would make love to the sound of the church bells, they were the perfect rhythm. If it wasn't for the ice cream truck, he would still be alive."

Joke: Three girls go into the doctors office. The first takes off her shirt and the doctor notices that she has a blue 'Y' on her chest. He asks "How did you get that?"

She answers "Well my boyfriend goes to Yale and he leaves his Yale sweatshirt on even when we make love."

The next girl comes in and has a red 'H' on her chest. She explains "Well my boyfriend goes to Harvard and he leaves his sweatshirt on even when we make love."

The final girl comes in and has a 'W' on her chest. The doctor asks "Let me guess, you have a boyfriend that goes to Wisconsin?"

She answers "No, a girlfriend at Michigan. Why?"

Joke: A small man goes to jail. His first day in the showers a very large man approaches him and asks him, "With or without spit?"

The small man knows it will happen no matter what he says or does, replies meekly, "With spit."

The large man shouts to another inmate, "Hey spit! This dude wants a threesome!"