Dirty Jokes

Joke: A man takes a job as the cook on a ship just before a long voyage. He looks around the kitchen for a few hours and all he can find is potatoes in the shape of penises.

He finds the captain and asks him, "Captain, what's with all of the penis shaped potatoes? That's all I can find and I don't think I like it."

The captain looks at him sternly and says, "There's nothing you can do about it. This is a dictatorship!"

Joke: It's fun to listen to Russian mothers talk to their kids.

Instead of saying "talk" they say "tak."

Instead of saying 'want' they say "vant."

The cutest one is when they try to tell them "I love you", it usually comes out "You're a fucking disappointment."

Joke: I asked a Chinese girl for her phone number.

She replied, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!"

I said, "Wow!"

But her friend ruined it and told me, "She means 666-3629."

Joke: Four blondes are sitting outside on Christmas Eve. Santa flies by and cheers, "Ho, ho, ho!"

One of the blondes yells back, "Hey! What about me Santa?"

Joke: Two trees are next to each other in the forest, a birch and a beech. A sapling sprouts up between them but they don't know whose it is.

A woodpecker shows up and lands on the sapling. The trees ask him, "We can't tell whose sapling that is. Is it a son of a birch or son of a beech?"

The woodpecker says, "It's neither, but it is the best piece of ash I've ever put my pecker in."