Good Jokes

Joke: A man smells his wife making his favorite cookies as he is about to die. He decides to crawl downstairs to get one final treat before he goes. As he reaches for one of the cookies his wife smacks his hand with the spatula, "No! Those are for the funeral."

Joke: Yo mama's so stupid, when she put a quarter in the parking meter she waited for a gumball to drop out!

Joke: A mathematician, a statistician, and an accountant are all up for the same job. The board asks each of them the same section, "What is 100 + 200?"

The mathematician replies, "300."

The statistician replies, "300, with 95 % certainty."

The accountant says in a hushed voice, "What do you want it to be?" He gets the job.

Joke: What is the best way to keep water from running?

Joke: Teacher: What is the formula for water?

Johnny: H I J K L M N O.

Teacher: No Johnny, it's H₂O.

Johnny: That's what I said.