Good Jokes

Joke: Two sisters, one is blonde and one is brunette, are trying to start a farm. The brunette sister finds a prized bull in the classified and leaves to check it out. She tells the blonde that she will contact her to come haul the bull back to the farm if she decides to buy it.

The brunette goes to the farm and decides to buy it. The farmer tells her that the bull will cost exactly $599, no less. So she buys the bull and heads to town to contact her sister. The only person she can find to help her is a telegraph operator.

The operator tells her "It costs 99 cents per word, what would you like to send?"

The brunette replies "Well I only have $1 left." She thinks for a while and tells the operator she wants to send the word 'comfortable.'

The operator asks "How will she know you bought the bull and want her to bring the haul from the word comfortable?"

The blonde replies "She's a slow reader."

Joke: A man went to a job interview. The first thing they told him was "We are looking for somebody responsible."

The man replied "I'm just the man you're looking for. At my last job every time anything bad happened they told me I was responsible."

Joke: Why was the boy covered in gift wrap?

Joke: A faith healer visits a small town. During his healing session a man with crutches approaches him, "Ever since I was a boy I couldn't walk without these, can you heal me?"

The healer yells back, "All that believe will receive! Go behind the curtain."

Another man approaches him, "F-f-f-fix my st-st-st-stutter?"

The healer yells back, "All that believe will receive! Go behind the curtain."

The healer starts praying and yells, "Drop your crutches!" He continues to pray and yells, "Now tell us in a clear voice, how do you feel?"

The man replies, "The f-f-fucker f-f-fell on his f-f-f-f-face."

Joke: A man is at the bar looking sad. The bartender asks him, "What's with the long face?"

He replies, "I've had three wives, but they've all died."

The bartender replies, "Wow, how'd they go?"

The man replies, "Well, the first one ate poisonous mushrooms."

The bartender asks, "What about the second one?"

He replies, "Poisonous mushrooms."

The bartender asks, "And the third ate poisonous mushrooms?"

The man replies, "Nope she was strangled."

The bartender asks, "Oh no, why?"

The man replies, "She wouldn't eat the damn mushrooms."