Funny Jokes

Joke: What two words can open doors for you for the rest of your life?

Joke: Little Johnny comes home from sunday school with a black eye. His father sees it and says, "Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?" "But Dad, it wasn't my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her butt. I reached over and pulled it out. That's when she hit me!" "Johnny," the father said. "You don't do those kind of things to women." Sure enough, the very next sunday Johnny came home with the other eye black and blue. Johnny's father said, "Johnny, I thought we had a talk!" "But Dad," Johnny said, "It wasn't my fault. There we were in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the crack of her butt. Then Louie who was sitting next to me saw it and he reached over and pulled it out. Now I know she doesn't like this, so I pushed it back in!"

Joke: My friend thinks he’s smart. He says that onions were the only food that can make you cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.

Joke: Winning an argument with you is like running a race in the special Olympics ...

Joke: A lady had a son, and she named him "Butt Itches". A few years later he had his first day of school. The teacher went around the room asking everyone to state their name...when it came round to "Butt Itches". The teacher asked "What is your name?" He replied "Butt Itches". At first she thought this was a joke so she decided asked again. "What Is your name?" He replied with the same answer, "...Butt Itches". The Teacher, who was now furious, asked once more and added, "If you don't tell me your name I'm going to spank you and send you to the principal." And again he replied with the same answer, "Butt Itches". The teacher spanked him and took him to the principal. Where he was asked three times what his name was, and all three times the reply was still, "Butt Itches". Then the principal also became furious and spanked Butt Itches, but the principal spanked Butt Itches too hard and he died. At the funeral his mom said, "Oh, my poor Butt Itches". And the preacher said "Well, scratch it."