Funny Jokes

Joke: Do you know what happened to the blonde who tried to blow up her car?

Joke: One day the triangle player of an orchestra gets very sick and goes the hospital. The entire day he practiced through his sneezing and sniffling. The next day he goes home to find his house surrounded by police cars. He asks a police officer, "What happened?"

The officer replies, "Your conductor came by your house to talk to you while you were at the hospital. He was angry that you missed rehearsal. When he got home and found that you weren't there he killed your entire family in anger."

The triangle player, stunned, looks deeply into the police officer's eyes with a single tear running down his face, "The conductor wanted to talk to me?"

Joke: A man comes to the entrance of Heaven and is told, "You haven't done anything good, but you haven't done anything bad either. If you can tell me of something amazing you have done, I will let you in."

The man replies, "Well, one time I was driving down the road and I saw some gang members threatening a young lady in an alleyway. I stopped and confronted them. I walked up to the biggest looking dude and slapped him and said, 'You need to leave this young lady alone, or I'm going to kick your ass!'"

The man at the entrance to heaven asked him, "When did this happen?"

The guy replies, "About five minutes ago."

Joke: Did you know that everybody has a photographic memory?

Joke: What do dwarfs and midgets have in common?