Funny Jokes

Joke: Why does Waldo wear stripes?

Joke: A blonde was taking helicopter lessons and she was finally ready to try it on her own. The instructor told her to radio him every 1000 feet to make sure everything was okay.

At 1000 feet she radioed him, "Everything is fine."

At 2000 feet she radioed him, "Everything is fine, just getting a little cold."

But before she reached 3000 feet the helicopter began to slowly come down. It crashed into the ground ruining the helicopter, but the blonde was fine. The instructor ran to her side to comfort her, "What happened?"

She replied, "I told you it was getting cold. So I shut off the giant fan."

Joke: What do pirates say on their 80th birthday?

Joke: A man goes on a date with a blonde woman. She asks him, "Do you have any kids?"

He tells her, "I have one that's under two."

The blonde replies, "I know I'm blonde, but I know how much one is."

Joke: Anthony and Maria get married but they can't afford a honeymoon, so they end up going to Maria's parents house for their first night. The next morning Timmy, Maria's little brother, goes to the kitchen for breakfast and asks him mother, "Are Tony and Maria up yet?"

His mother replies, "No."

Timmy says, "Do you want to know what I think?"

His mother replies, "No! I don't want to know what you think. Go to school."

Timmy comes home for lunch and asks, "Are Tony and Maria up yet?"

His mother replies, "No."

Timmy says, "Do you want to know what I think?"

His mother replies, "No I do not, go back to school!"

Timmy comes home after school and asks his mother, "Are Tony and Maria up yet?"

His mother replies, "No."

Timmy says, "Do you want to know what I think?"

His mother replies, "Fine! What do you think?"

Timmy replies, "Last night Tony came into my room for some Vaseline, and I think I gave him super glue."