Dirty Jokes

Joke: A man and his wife have a big argument. She yells at him and tells him to get out.

He grabs his stuff and starts to walk out the door and she yells to him, "I hope you have a slow painful death bastard!"

He yells back to her, "Now you want me to stay?!"

Joke: What is hairy on the outside, wet and fleshy on the inside, starts with C and ends with T, and has a U and N in the middle?

Joke: Johnny came to school with a black eye so his teacher asked him what had happened. He told her, "My family doesn't have any money so me, my mom, and my dad all share a bed. My dad asked me if I was asleep yet and I told him no, so he hit me."

His teacher told him, "Tonight when you go to bed, if your dad asks you if you're awake just pretend to be asleep."

The next day Johnny came in with two black eyes. His teacher, appalled, asks him what happened. Johnny replies, "So I did what you said. Then the bed started shaking and my mom was yelling and my dad was grunting. After a while my mom yelled, 'I'm coming! Are you coming!' Then he yelled back that he was coming. But my parents never go anywhere without me, so I yelled, 'Wait for me, I'm coming too!'"

Joke: What do you call a cheap circumcision?

Joke: Mr. Daniels is diagnosed with a rare disease and he only has about 12 hours left to live. His wife begins to cry and tells him that she will give him a night to remember.

Shortly after making love for the first time his wife says "Do you want to go again?" This time it is even better than the first time.

Mrs. Daniels starts to doze off so Mr. Daniels nudges her and asks if they can do it one final time. Mrs. Daniels replies "Easy for you to say, you don't have to get up in the morning."