Dirty Jokes

Joke: Why does Santa have the largest sack of all?

Joke: A blonde woman brings a letter to the Post Office. The man examines the letter and says it will be $500, surprised she exclaims, "I don't have that much money... I'll do ANYTHING to contact my mother."

He has the blonde follow him into a back room. He unzips his pants and takes out his penis. She gets on her knees and brings it to her mouth and says, "Hello? Mom?"

Joke: A man's penis is severed in a car accident. He is crushed but is awarded $90,000 in a lawsuit afterwards. But while he's at the doctor's office his doctor tells him there is a new surgery for penis reconstruction. He can get a new penis for $10,000 an inch. Extremely happy he says, "I have to talk to my wife! I'll be back tomorrow to tell you how long we want it!"

The next day the man returns and the doctor asks him how long he wants it. Dejected the man replies, "We're getting a new kitchen."

Joke: A man is walking home from work one day and in a dark alley is approached by a prostitute. She tells him, "Twenty dollars."

He had never been with a prostitute before but it was only twenty dollars. They start going at it in the alley when a couple of police come up with their flashlights and ask, "What are you doing? Are you aware prostitution is illegal?"

The man enraged yells, "This is my wife!"

The police officer replies, "Oh, I'm sorry sir. I had no idea."

The man replies, "Neither did I until you put the light in her face."

Joke: A man is checking into a hotel with his family and whispers to the clerk, "I hope the porn channels are disabled."

The clerk whispered back, "Nope, it's just regular porn you sick bastard."