Dirty Jokes

Joke: A penis' life is so sad. His hair is always messy, his neighbor is an asshole, his family is nuts, his best friend is a pussy, and all his owner does is beat him and put bags over his head.

Joke: A young bachelor goes to the store to buy a few things: a case of beer, some condoms, and a bag of chips. He goes to checkout and the lady cashier says "You must be single."

He asks her "You knew that from just what I'm buying?"

She replies "No, you're just really ugly."

Joke: Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says, "I think my wife is having an affair with our electrician. Last week I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine."

His second friend says, "I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber. This week I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."

Paddy says, "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief. "No I'm serious. Yesterday I came home and found a jockey under our bed."

Joke: If you were french, why would you want a seal?

Joke: Three swordsmen are competing to see who is the best in the world. The judges tell the first man to step up and they release a fly. With the flick of his wrist the fly hits the ground in two pieces. The crowd bursts into applause.

Next the judges tell the second man to step up and they release a fly. With two flicks of his wrist the fly hits the ground in four pieces. The crowd explodes in applause.

Finally, they tell the third swordsman to step up and release a fly. He swings wildly at the fly but the fly continues to buzz. The crowd begins to laugh and a judge informs him, "The fly is still alive..."

The man replies, "Yes, but he will never have kids again."