Dirty Jokes

Joke: Son: Dad! I just went on a date with the neighbor's daughter Jane, and I think I love her!
Father: Oh no, I'm sorry I never told you son. She is my daughter. Don't tell your mother.
*A few weeks pass and the son goes out with another girl*
Son: Dad! Dad! I met an even hotter girl! I think I love her! It's the other neighbor's daughters Sally!
Father: Oh no, I'm sorry I never told you son. She is my daughter too. Don't tell your mother.
*This happened several times and finally the son goes to his mother in anger*
Son: Mom! Mom! I've fallen in love with twelve girls, but dad keeps telling me he's their father!
Mom: Don't worry about what he says, he's not your father.

Joke: A man accidentally sent a picture of his penis to everybody in his address book.

Not only did he feel stupid afterwords, it cost him 20 dollars in stamps!

Joke: How do you know if your girlfriend is getting fat?

Joke: A woman wakes up in the middle of the night to find her husband is not in bed. She goes down stairs and finds him in the kitchen sipping coffee. She asks him, "What's wrong?"

He replies, "Exactly twenty years ago we conceived our first child."

His wife starts to cry, "I can't believe you remember that."

He continues, "Yeah. You were 15 and I was 18, your dad caught us and put his shotgun against my back. He told me, 'If you don't marry her, you will rot in jail for twenty years,'" with this a tear goes down his face, "I would have gotten out today."

Joke: What's the difference between a farmer with epilepsy and a whore that has diarrhea?