Dirty Jokes

Joke: A man and woman get married and she quickly learns how controlling he is. Immediately he tells her "I'm going to tell you right now; I will get home whenever I want, I expect dinner to be ready everyday when I get home, and I will go drink with my friends whenever I want."

She looks at him and tells him "Okay, I'm going to tell you right now; there is going to be sex here every night at 7 O'clock whether you are here or not."

Joke: A man's wife is standing in front of a mirror naked and says "Look at me. I'm fat, wrinkly, and old. Is there anything still good about me honey?"

Her husband responds "You have great eyesight!"

Joke: A small man goes to jail. His first day in the showers a very large man approaches him and asks him, "With or without spit?"

The small man knows it will happen no matter what he says or does, replies meekly, "With spit."

The large man shouts to another inmate, "Hey spit! This dude wants a threesome!"

Joke: What's the difference between an erection and election?

Joke: A proctologist is writing up a prescription for a patient so he reaches into his pocket for his pen. But all he finds is a rectal thermometer.

He looks at his patient and yells, "Some asshole has my pen!"