Dirty Jokes

Joke: A priest, a pedophile, and a rapist walk into a bar... And that's just the first guy!

Joke: A man and his wife have been happily married for 50 years and are out golfing like they often do. As the husband is teeing off he confesses, "I have something terrible to tell you, but I really hope you forgive me. Right after we got married I cheated on you. It was only once and it was a huge mistake, I've regretted it ever since."

His wife replies as she steps up to the tee, "I accept that and I understand. I have something I need to tell you."

The husband replies, "Anything honey, I'm just happy you're so relaxed about my mistake."

She tells him, "About a year before I met you, I had a sex change operation. I used to be a man."

He is shocked, "You son of a gun... How could you? For all of these years you've been teeing off from the ladies tee box you cheater!"

Joke: A man walks into an elevator with a woman and asks her, "Can I smell your vagina?"

The woman yells at him, "No!"

He replies, "Oh, must be your feet then."

Joke: Three prostitutes walk into a bar. The first one holds up four fingers, "I can take this inside of me!"

The second one holds up a fist, "I can take all of this."

The last prostitute, with a smile, slowly slides down the stool.

Joke: A man is walking down the road and another man runs up to him and asks him, "Do you want to see my talking ducks?"

The man, not wanting to be rude, decides to take a look.

When they arrive at the farm the man looks at one of the ducks and asks, "Hey little buddy, how's your day going?"

The duck replies, "Pretty good, I've just been in and out of puddles all day."

The man is amazed by the talking duck and asks the next one how his day has been. The duck replies, "Pretty good, I've just been in and out of puddles all day."

Stunned, the man asks a third duck the same question. The duck replies, "Shitty."

The man asks him, "Why is that?"

The duck replies, "I'm puddles."