Dirty Jokes

Joke: Two guys are walking down the street when they see a dog licking his balls. One of the men says, "Man, I wish I could do that!"

The other replies, "Haha, yeah... You might want to pet him first though."

Joke: A man is having sex with a married woman when her husband comes home from work early. The man runs into the closet where he hears a little voice, "Sure is dark in here."

The man replies, "Yes it is."

The boys voice says, "Wanna buy this baseball for $50?"

The man replies, "What? That's outrageous."

The boy says, "Or I can just show you my dad's shotgun."

"Okay kid, here you go," the man replies as he hands the kid the money.

The next week the man is making love to the married woman and again her husband comes home early sending him to the closet. He hears the boy's voice, "It sure is dark in here... $1000 for the glove."

The man replies, "What?! That is completely ridiculous."

The boy again says, "Would you rather see the shotgun?"

The man hands him the money and takes the glove.

The next day the boy is complaining to his father that he sold his glove and ball. The father asked him, "How much you get for it?"

The boy replies, "$1050."

The father says, "You shouldn't take advantage of your friends like that! I'm taking you to church."

At church the boy gets into the confessional box and says, "It sure is dark in here."

The priest says, "Don't start this shit again!"

Joke: How is the Pope like a Christmas tree?

Joke: Three woman are sitting and talking about the best soda pop based nicknames for their boyfriends. One girl says "My boyfriend is like 7-Up because he can keep it up all week."

The next girl says "Oh yeah? My boyfriend is like Mountain Dew because he can do me on top of my mountains any day."

The last woman says "You can call my boyfriend Jack Daniels."

Another girl protests "You have to compare him to a pop. That's a hard liquor."

The last girl replies with a wink "Exactly."

Joke: A man and woman get married and she quickly learns how controlling he is. Immediately he tells her "I'm going to tell you right now; I will get home whenever I want, I expect dinner to be ready everyday when I get home, and I will go drink with my friends whenever I want."

She looks at him and tells him "Okay, I'm going to tell you right now; there is going to be sex here every night at 7 O'clock whether you are here or not."