Dirty Jokes

Joke: A man made an appointment at a sperm bank. But it was pointless because he never came.

Joke: What's better than a sweater at Christmas?

Joke: Johnny came to school with a black eye so his teacher asked him what had happened. He told her, "My family doesn't have any money so me, my mom, and my dad all share a bed. My dad asked me if I was asleep yet and I told him no, so he hit me."

His teacher told him, "Tonight when you go to bed, if your dad asks you if you're awake just pretend to be asleep."

The next day Johnny came in with two black eyes. His teacher, appalled, asks him what happened. Johnny replies, "So I did what you said. Then the bed started shaking and my mom was yelling and my dad was grunting. After a while my mom yelled, 'I'm coming! Are you coming!' Then he yelled back that he was coming. But my parents never go anywhere without me, so I yelled, 'Wait for me, I'm coming too!'"

Joke: An old man from Italy goes to church to give a confessional. When the priest slides open the panel, the man tells him "Father, I feel terrible. During World War II a beautiful Jewish woman came to my house and I hid her in my attic."

The priest replies "That's wonderful, why would you confess that?"

The man says "After a while she began repaying me in sexual favors, several times a week."

The priest replies "You did a great thing. People in those sorts of situations can succumb to the pleasures of the flesh. But if you're sorry, then you are forgiven."

The man replies "Great! But father, there's one more thing."

The priest says "Yes my son?"

The man replies "Should I tell her the war is over?"

Joke: Why does Santa have the largest sack of all?