Dirty Jokes

Joke: A man and his son are walking down the road and see two dogs humping in a lawn. The son asks his dad, "Why are they doing that?"

Thinking quickly, the father replies, "The dog on top hurt his paw so the other one is helping him walk."

The kid replies, "Figures... You try to help somebody and they just screw you."

Joke: A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory perception. She brought in a variety of lifesavers and said, "Children, I'd like you to close your eyes and taste these." The kids easily identified the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher gave them honey-flavored lifesavers, all of the kids were stumped. I'll give you a hint," said the teacher. "It's something your mommy probably calls your daddy all the time." Instantly, Little Johnny coughed his onto the floor and shouted, "Quick! Spit'em out! They're assholes!"

Joke: A blonde goes into the gynecologist. When he asks her what the problem is she replies, "Something is extremely wrong. I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my vagina!"

He takes a look and laughs, "Dear, those aren't stamps. Those are stickers from the bananas."

Joke: Have you seen the new movie Constipated?

Joke: Two guys are at the bar together talking about their wives. The first guy says "Every night I stay out late I go home and I come in as quietly as I can. Then I get into bed as gently as I can and my wife still wakes up to yell at me!"

His friend replies "You're going about it all wrong. When I stay out late I go home and make as much noise as I want. Then I get into bed, feel my wife's body, and ask her if she wants to get busy... She's always fast asleep."