Dirty Jokes

 

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Joke: One morning a boy living on a farm was rudely awoken by his mother, "You don't get to eat breakfast until you finish all of your chores!"

One of his chores was to feed all of the animals. While he was feeding the animals he took his anger out on them. He kicked the pig, punted the chicken, and hit the cow.

When he was done with his chores he sat down for breakfast and his mom brought him a bowl of dry cereal. She told him, "You hit the cow so you don't get any milk. You punted the chicken so you don't get any eggs. You kicked the pig so you don't get any bacon."

Suddenly his father entered the kitchen and tripped over the cat. He got extremely angry and threw the cat out. The boy looked at his mom and said, "Do you want to tell him or should I?"


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Joke: A man walks into a bar and grabs a menu:

Hamburger $5

Beer $5

Handjob $5

A gorgeous waitress walks up to take his order and he asks her, "Are you the ones giving the handjobs?"

She licks her lips and replies, "Yes."

He puts a $5 bill on the table and says, "Well wash your hands, I want a burger!"


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Joke: Micky Mouse wants to get a divorce from Minnie but the judge tells him, "I cannot let you divorce your wife."

Micky replies, "Why not?"

The judge tells him, "Because you cannot prove your claim that she is crazy."

Outraged, Micky yells at the judge, "I didn't say she was crazy! I said she was fucking Goofy!"


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Joke: A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."


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Joke: Little Timmy catches his parents having sex and his mom takes him back to his room. Timmy asks "Mommy, why were you bouncing on Daddy's stomach like that?"

She replies "Well... If I don't do that Daddy would get very fat."

Timmy laughs and his mother asks "What's so funny?"

Still giggling he says "That's not going to work, every time you're gone the babysitter just blows him back up."


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