Dirty Jokes

Joke: A man's wife comes up to him and tells him, "Take off my shirt." So he does.

She then tells him, "Take off my skirt and high heels." So he does.

Then she tells him, "Take off my bra and underwear." So he does.

Finally she tells him, "I better never find you wearing my clothes again."

Joke: Two guys are at the bar together talking about their wives. The first guy says "Every night I stay out late I go home and I come in as quietly as I can. Then I get into bed as gently as I can and my wife still wakes up to yell at me!"

His friend replies "You're going about it all wrong. When I stay out late I go home and make as much noise as I want. Then I get into bed, feel my wife's body, and ask her if she wants to get busy... She's always fast asleep."

Joke: A man walks into the bank and walks up to the teller. She asks him "Can I help you sir?"

The man replies "Yeah, I want to open up a fucking bank account."

She tells him "Sir, we don't tolerate that sort of language here." She then gets the manager, who agrees that she should not put up with the man's language.

The manager approaches the man and asks "Sir, do we have an issue here?"

The man replies "No! I just want to put this motherfucking 100 million dollars I won in the goddamn lottery into a bank account."

"Oh," says the manager, "was this bitch giving you trouble, sir?"

Joke: A blonde, brunette, and red head all work at the same office. Their boss, who is also female, leaves the office everyday early. So one day the brunette tells the other two, "The boss leaves early everyday, we should take off early."

They all leave the office early. The brunette goes to the movies, the red head goes to the bar, and the brunette heads home to her husband. When she gets there she discovers that her boss is at her house making love to her husband. She parks in the street and waits for her boss to leave.

The next day they are all talking and the brunette says, "That was so much fun! We should do it again."

The blonde replies, "No way! I almost got caught."

Joke: A man goes to the bar and orders five shots, quickly downing them. The bartender asks him, "What are you celebrating?"

The man replies, "First blowjob."

The bar tender asks him, "How about another one then?!"

The man replies, "No thanks, if five didn't get the taste out of my mouth nothing will."