Dirty Jokes

Joke: A blonde woman was giving me a hand job in the dark. She told me "You have the biggest penis I've ever held!"

I told her "No, you're pulling my leg."

Joke: A man has a girlfriend named Wendy so he gets her name tattooed on his penis. When his penis is erect it reads, "WENDY," but when it's flaccid it just reads, "WY."

While at a restaurant he goes to the bathroom next to a large Jamaican man. He looks over and notices "WY" on the mans penis. So he asks him, "You have a girlfriend named Wendy too?"

The man replies, "No man. It says, 'Welcome to Jamaica, have a nice day'."

Joke: What did the blonde ask when her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?

Joke: A man is sitting next to a woman and her baby. The woman begins to breastfeed, but her baby won't take it. So she tells the baby, "If you don't drink it the nice man is going to have to take it."

Five minutes later she tries again and the baby still won't take it. So she tells her, "Come on, I'm going to give it to this nice man."

Another five minutes goes by and the baby still won't take it. The anxious man blurts out "Come on kid, make up your mind! I was supposed to get off 5 stops ago!"

Joke: What can we learn from surprise morning blowjobs?