Dirty Jokes

Joke: There are 4 types of orgasms: the Holy Orgasm, the Positive Orgasm, the Accidental Orgasm, and the Fake Orgasm.

The Holy Orgasm sounds like, "Oh God! Oh God!"

The Positive Orgasm sounds like, "Oh yes! Oh yes!"

The Accidental Orgasm sounds like, "Oh shit! Oh shit!"

The fake orgasm sounds like, "Oh *INSERT YOUR NAME HERE*!"

Joke: One morning a boy living on a farm was rudely awoken by his mother, "You don't get to eat breakfast until you finish all of your chores!"

One of his chores was to feed all of the animals. While he was feeding the animals he took his anger out on them. He kicked the pig, punted the chicken, and hit the cow.

When he was done with his chores he sat down for breakfast and his mom brought him a bowl of dry cereal. She told him, "You hit the cow so you don't get any milk. You punted the chicken so you don't get any eggs. You kicked the pig so you don't get any bacon."

Suddenly his father entered the kitchen and tripped over the cat. He got extremely angry and threw the cat out. The boy looked at his mom and said, "Do you want to tell him or should I?"

Joke: A man goes to the doctor and tells him, "I don't feel good doc, I have a sharp pain in my ass."

The doctor tells him to turn around and drop his pants for a prostate exam. After beginning the prostate exam, the doctor almost immediately finds a $50 bill, "Did you know you had a $50 bill up there?"

The man replies, "No, I had no idea. But I do feel a little better."

The doctor continues the exam and finds another $50 bill. Then another. And another. After a few minutes he finds the last one and says, "Sir, why in the world did you have $1,950 in your ass?"

The man, feeling much better, replies, "I'm not sure. But I wasn't feeling too grand."

Joke: A 90-year-old man goes to the doctor for his annual checkup. The doctor asks him how he is and he replies, "Great, I'm 90 years old, I have an 20 year old bride, and she's pregnant with my child."

The doctor looks at him for a second, "Let me tell you a story. A knew a man who loved to hunt. One day he went out and was in such a hurry he grabbed an umbrella instead of a gun. As soon as he got out there a bear jumped out of the woods at him. He grabbed his umbrella, pointed it at the bear, and squeezed the handle. You know what happened next?"

The old man, dumbfounded, replies, "No, what?"

"The bear dropped dead right there!"

The old man protests, "Someone else must have shot the bear!"

The doctor nods, "Exactly."

Joke: Four gay men are sitting in a hot tub. Suddenly a blob of cum rises to the surface. One of them says, "Come on, who farted?"