Dirty Jokes

Joke: Two girls, one blonde and one brunette, are walking down the street and they see an attractive guy. They strike up a conversation with him and notice he has dandruff. After they part ways the brunette tells the blonde, "We should give him Head & Shoulders."

The blonde replies "How do you give shoulders?"

Joke: A guy sleeps with a $5 hooker and gets crabs.

The next day he goes back to complain and the hooker laughs and says, "What did you expect for $5... lobster?"

Joke: A blonde woman fears that her husband has been cheating on her so she goes to the gun shop and buys a pistol. The next day when she comes home from work she finds her husband in bed with another woman. She takes out the gun and puts it to her own head. Her husband yells "Don't shoot yourself!"

She yells back "Shut up! You're next!"

Joke: An old man from Italy goes to church to give a confessional. When the priest slides open the panel, the man tells him "Father, I feel terrible. During World War II a beautiful Jewish woman came to my house and I hid her in my attic."

The priest replies "That's wonderful, why would you confess that?"

The man says "After a while she began repaying me in sexual favors, several times a week."

The priest replies "You did a great thing. People in those sorts of situations can succumb to the pleasures of the flesh. But if you're sorry, then you are forgiven."

The man replies "Great! But father, there's one more thing."

The priest says "Yes my son?"

The man replies "Should I tell her the war is over?"

Joke: A guy was sending dirty photos to his girlfriend, but he accidentally sent a photo of his bottom half to his grandma. She had bad sight so he didn't think much of it. Later that week she calls him and says "You're looking good, but I don't like your haircut. It makes your nose look too big."