Dirty Jokes

Joke: A mailman is doing his final route after 30 years on the job. At the first house he goes to they give him an expensive watch. The second family is waiting for him and gives him an expensive bottle of wine.

At the third house their is a hot blonde in lingerie. She takes him into her room and they make love for hours. Then she takes him downstairs and makes him waffles. Finally she gives him a card with $10 in it.

He asks her "Why did you do all of this?"

She replies "When I asked my husband what we should do for you he said 'Fuck him. Give him $10 in a card.' The waffles were my idea."

Joke: Why's an abortion clinic the worst place to lock your keys in your car?

Joke: What is the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?

Joke: A man walks into his doctor's office. His doctor tells him, "Your wife's results came back positive. I can't remember if it was AIDS or Alzheimer's though."

The man replies, "That's not very helpful. Can you just test her again?"

The doctor replies, "How about you leave her in the middle of the forest and if she finds her way home don't fuck her."

Joke: A man explains to his girlfriend that his pants were especially made for dancing. She asks him, "Ballroom?"

He replies, "Not much."