Dirty Jokes

Joke: How are men like spiders?

Joke: A blonde, a brunette, and a red headed mother are talking about their daughters. The brunette tells them, "I found cigarettes in my daughter's room, I can't believe she smokes!"

The read head said "I know, I found some beer in my daughter's room. I couldn't believe it!"

The blonde says "That's nothing! I found condoms in my daughter's room. I never knew she had a penis!"

Joke: Joe and Emily are due to have a baby in a couple of months. Joe asks his wife, "Why haven't we had sex lately?"

"I'm scared its going to hurt the baby," Emily replies.

"People do it all of the time, I'll be gentile," Joe tells her.

Eventually Joe convinces Emily the baby will be fine so they have sex.

A couple of months later their baby is born. Immediately the baby asks the doctor, "Are you my father?"

"No, that's your father," the doctor replies pointing at Joe.

The baby looks at Joe and start to punch him in the face and says, "How do you like it?"

Joke: A man walks up to a large woman on a table and says "Damn! Nice legs."

She replies "You really think so?"

The man says "Hell yeah! Most tables would have broken by now. Must be oak."

Joke: An old man is sitting on his porch and sees a young boy walking by with some chicken wire. He yells to him, "What are you doing boy?"

The boy replies, "I'm gonna catch me some chickens!"

The man replies, "I don't think it works that way!"

A few hours later the boy walks by again with a ton of chickens strung along the wire.

The next day the boy walks by with a roll of duct tape and the old man yells to him, "What are you doing?"

The boy replies, "I'm gonna get some ducks!"

The old man yells back, "I don't think that's how it works!"

But sure enough he walks by a few hours later with a ton of ducks.

The next day the boy walks by the old man's house with a stick with a fuzzy thing at the end.

The old man yells to him, "What do you have there?!"

The boy yells back, "I've got some pussy willow!"

The old man yells back, "Wait! Let me get my shoes!"