Dirty Jokes

Joke: A man invents a machine that slaps anybody who lies. He tries it out on his family at dinner. He asks his son, "Why were you so late last night getting home?"

The son replies, "I was just studying at the library." SLAP! "Fine, I was at John's house watching TV." SLAP! "Fine, porn!"

His father looks at him disgusted, "At your age I didn't even know what porn was." SLAP!

The man's wife begins to laugh, "He's definitely your son." SLAP!

Joke: What can we learn from surprise morning blowjobs?

Joke: A man is sitting next to a woman and her baby. The woman begins to breastfeed, but her baby won't take it. So she tells the baby, "If you don't drink it the nice man is going to have to take it."

Five minutes later she tries again and the baby still won't take it. So she tells her, "Come on, I'm going to give it to this nice man."

Another five minutes goes by and the baby still won't take it. The anxious man blurts out "Come on kid, make up your mind! I was supposed to get off 5 stops ago!"

Joke: What did the blonde ask when her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?

Joke: A man has a girlfriend named Wendy so he gets her name tattooed on his penis. When his penis is erect it reads, "WENDY," but when it's flaccid it just reads, "WY."

While at a restaurant he goes to the bathroom next to a large Jamaican man. He looks over and notices "WY" on the mans penis. So he asks him, "You have a girlfriend named Wendy too?"

The man replies, "No man. It says, 'Welcome to Jamaica, have a nice day'."