Dirty Jokes

Joke: A guy moves into a new house just outside of the city. While he is unpacking his car a truck pulls up and the window rolls down "Hey there neighbor! I just saw you were moving in and I wanted to invite you to a welcome party."

The guy puts his box down and replies "That sounds great."

The guy gets out of his truck and says "Yeah, there will be drinking, fighting, dancing and sex."

The new guy replies "Oh, okay. What should I wear?"

"You look fine," the neighbor replies, "It's just gonna be me and you anyways."

Joke: A man is walking down the street and sees a woman with extremely large boobs. As he is passing her he asks, "If I gave you $100 could I bite your boobs?"

She tells him to back off and continues on her way. Then he catches up to her and asks, "If I gave you $1,000 could I bite your boobs?"

Again she refuses and yells at him. But once again he catches up. This time he asks her, "If I gave you $10,000 could I bite your boobs?"

She decides that that is too much money to pass up, so she agrees. She takes off her shirt and bra. He fondles them and bounces them with his hands for a while until she asks, "Well aren't you going to bite them?"

He replies "No thanks, that's too expensive."

Joke: A man is walking home from work one day and in a dark alley is approached by a prostitute. She tells him, "Twenty dollars."

He had never been with a prostitute before but it was only twenty dollars. They start going at it in the alley when a couple of police come up with their flashlights and ask, "What are you doing? Are you aware prostitution is illegal?"

The man enraged yells, "This is my wife!"

The police officer replies, "Oh, I'm sorry sir. I had no idea."

The man replies, "Neither did I until you put the light in her face."

Joke: A hotel is raided for prostitution and the police line up all of the girls outside. One of the girl's grandmother walks by and asks her "Dear, why are you all lined up?"

She tells her grandmother "The police are giving out free oranges to everybody here."

The grandmother sticks around to get her orange. When the cop gets to her he asks her "You're still doing this at your age? How do you do it?"

The grandmother replies "Well, I just take out my teeth and suck em' dry."

Joke: What does a woman do with her asshole if she wants to have an orgasm?