Dirty Jokes

Joke: The dove is the bird of peace and the hawk is the bird of war. What is the bird of true love?

Joke: A guy moves into a new house just outside of the city. While he is unpacking his car a truck pulls up and the window rolls down "Hey there neighbor! I just saw you were moving in and I wanted to invite you to a welcome party."

The guy puts his box down and replies "That sounds great."

The guy gets out of his truck and says "Yeah, there will be drinking, fighting, dancing and sex."

The new guy replies "Oh, okay. What should I wear?"

"You look fine," the neighbor replies, "It's just gonna be me and you anyways."

Joke: What does a woman do with her asshole if she wants to have an orgasm?

Joke: Tyler and Connor have a friend named Nico. They like everything about him except the fact that he is extremely optimistic and always sees the bright side of everything. So one day they decide to tell him a story that he cannot find the positive in.

Nico meets Tyler at his house and Nico asks where Connor is. Tyler tells him "You didn't hear? He found his girlfriend with another guy last night and killed them both then he killed himself."

Nico says "Thank God!"

Tyler looks at him and says "Are you serious?"

Nico says "Yeah, if that would have happened a few nights ago I would be dead."

Joke: One night a cab driver picks up a nun. The driver stares at the nun for a while and finally asks "Can I ask you a question sister?"

The nun replies "Yes my son."

"I've always had the fantasy of a nun performing oral sex on me. Could you help me with that?"

The nun replies "Only if you are unmarried and Catholic."

The cab driver excitedly responds "Yes! I'm both!" So the driver pulls into the nearest ally and lives his fantasy.

Shortly after he starts to cry and admits "I'm Jewish and I'm married... I'm so sorry sister."

The nun shrugs and says "It's fine. My real name is John and I'm heading to a Christmas party."