Dirty Jokes

Joke: Tyler and his wife Kallie go to Las Vegas. They get to their room and they find a card for a prostitute. Kallie cannot believe it and wants to see if the prostitute will really come. Tyler calls the number on the card and says "Can you come to Trump Hotel, room 1445?"

An hour later they hear a knock on the door and Kallie hides in the bathroom. A woman comes in and says "Hi. My name is Destiny."

Tyler asks her "How much do you charge?"

The prostitute replies "$500 per hour."

Tyler says "I was thinking more around $25" and the prostitute looks at him disguised and walks out.

Later Tyler and Kallie are at the bar getting drinks and Destiny walks up to Tyler and says "See, that's what $25 gets you!"

Joke: A man goes to church and tells the priest "Father, I almost cheated on my wife."

The priest asks him "How do you almost cheat on your wife?"

The man says "Well, me and the woman were naked but we just rubbed against each other."

The priest looks at him disgusted and says "Rubbing is the same as putting it in. Never do it again, say five Hail Mary's and put $100 in the donation pan."

The next time the priest sees the man he is infuriates "You didn't put $100 in the pan!"

The man looks at the priest disgusted and says "I rubbed the money against the pan, and rubbing is the same as putting it in."

Joke: A very religious woman has a parrot that prays. He sits at the bottom of his cage whispering prayers all day. She brags about her bird to everyone she meets.

One day she is bragging and a man says that he has a female parrot who is always swearing. They decide that it would be a good idea to put them together so the female parrot can learn from the praying male parrot.

So the man brings his female parrot over and they put her in the cage. The male parrot looks up at her from his prayer and says "Thank Jesus! My prayers have been answered!"

Joke: Little Timmy catches his parents having sex and his mom takes him back to his room. Timmy asks "Mommy, why were you bouncing on Daddy's stomach like that?"

She replies "Well... If I don't do that Daddy would get very fat."

Timmy laughs and his mother asks "What's so funny?"

Still giggling he says "That's not going to work, every time you're gone the babysitter just blows him back up."

Joke: Little Kyle runs into his house one day and immediately confronts his dad, "Dad! I heard these kids at school talking about how awesome a vagina is. What is a vagina, what does it look like?"

The father answers "Well son, before you use it it looks like a beautiful flower."

Kyle asks "What about after you use it?"

The father smiles and asks "Have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise?"