Dirty Jokes

Joke: A man and his wife are on their honeymoon. To show his dominance, the man takes off his pants and tells the woman, "Put on my pants."

She does but she says, "They're too big, they don't fit me."

He responds, "That's right, that's why I wear the pants in the relationship and always will."

The woman tells the man to put on her underwear. He tries but can't. He says, "I can't get into your panties."

She replies, "That's the way it's going to be unless you stop being an asshole."

Joke: A guy is going down on his girlfriend and says, "Man you have a big pussy! Man you have a big pussy!"

She snaps back, "Why'd you say it twice?"

He replies, "I didn't..."

Joke: How are men like spiders?

Joke: A very religious woman has a parrot that prays. He sits at the bottom of his cage whispering prayers all day. She brags about her bird to everyone she meets.

One day she is bragging and a man says that he has a female parrot who is always swearing. They decide that it would be a good idea to put them together so the female parrot can learn from the praying male parrot.

So the man brings his female parrot over and they put her in the cage. The male parrot looks up at her from his prayer and says "Thank Jesus! My prayers have been answered!"

Joke: A man is checking into a hotel with his family and whispers to the clerk, "I hope the porn channels are disabled."

The clerk whispered back, "Nope, it's just regular porn you sick bastard."