Clean Jokes

Joke: A man bought a golden ring for his blind wife at night. “I brought something for you. You might like it,” the man said. “What is it honey?” his wife asked. “It’s the Golden Ring,” the man replied. “Oh, sound’s good. Can I wear it now?” the wife asked. “Sure, it’s yours,” the man said. He took it from the box but it fell. He crawled and searched for the ring but something told him that the ring was not around in this area. So he sprinted outside where the streetlights were and he started to do the same thing again. A moment later, Mr Mallard (The man’s neighbour) was walking down the street and saw the man crawling. “Are you finding something, Daniel?” Mr Mallard asked. “Oh yes, I’m finding the golden ring,” Daniel replied. “Where did you lose it?” Mr Mallard asked. “I lost it at home,” Daniel replied. “So, why don’t you find it at home then?” Mr Mallard asked. “Well, there were no lights in my house and it’s really dark,” Daniel replied. “You lost that ring in your house. So you’ll probably find it around somewhere where you lost it,” Mr Mallard said. “You know that my eyes don’t work very well and the doctor told me not to search anything in the dark whether it's really important or not. I’ll knock my head again if I don't listen to him. I can't believe it. He was right. He'll be proud of me if I tell him what I did now,” Daniel cried.

Joke: What do you do if you are getting chased by a tiger, lion, and elephant chasing you on horseback?

Joke: Knock knock!
Who's there?
Banana!
Banana who?
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Banana!
Banana who?
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Banana!
Banana who?
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Orange!
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say banana!

Joke: A grandmother gives her grandson directions, "Once you get to the building open the door with your elbows. Once you get to the elevator his the up button with your elbow. I'm on the third floor so you're going to have to his the number 3 on the elevator with your elbow. Then once you get off I'm the first to the left, just hit the doorbell with your elbow."

The grandson replies, "That sounds easy enough, but why with my elbows?"

The grandmother says, "Oh... So you're going to be open handed?"

Joke: An old blacksmith realized he was going to have to retire soon, so he picked out a strong young man to become his apprentice.

The old fellow was crabby and exacting. "Don't ask me a lot of questions" he told the boy, "Just do whatever I tell you to do."

One day the old blacksmith took an iron out of the forge and laid it on the anvil. "Get the hammer over there. When I nod my head, hit it real good and hard."

The town is currently looking for a new blacksmith.