Clean Jokes

Joke: Two boys, John and Tommy, walk into a candy story. While in the store John steals 4 candy bars and puts them in his pocket. When the boys leave John brags, "I stole 3 candy bars, beat that!"

Tommy says "No problem, just follow me." They go back into the store and Tommy approaches one of the shopkeepers.

He asks the shopkeeper, "Would you like to see some magic sir?" The man says yes and Tommy immediately opens 4 candy bars and eats them as fast as he can.

The shopkeeper, who is now angry, asks "Where is the magic?"

Tommy replies "The candy bars are now in my friend's pockets."

Joke: Knock knock!
Who's there?
The polite interrupting cow.
The polite inter...
Excuse me! I'm sorry to interrupt, but moo!

Joke: Why was the king so glum?

Joke: Two sisters, one is blonde and one is brunette, are trying to start a farm. The brunette sister finds a prized bull in the classified and leaves to check it out. She tells the blonde that she will contact her to come haul the bull back to the farm if she decides to buy it.

The brunette goes to the farm and decides to buy it. The farmer tells her that the bull will cost exactly $599, no less. So she buys the bull and heads to town to contact her sister. The only person she can find to help her is a telegraph operator.

The operator tells her "It costs 99 cents per word, what would you like to send?"

The brunette replies "Well I only have $1 left." She thinks for a while and tells the operator she wants to send the word 'comfortable.'

The operator asks "How will she know you bought the bull and want her to bring the haul from the word comfortable?"

The blonde replies "She's a slow reader."

Joke: A man and his blonde wife are sitting inside, by the fire, when the radio announcer comes on: "We are expecting up to a foot of snow tonight, please make sure you are parked on the even-numbered side of the road." The wife goes out and moves her car.

The next day the same thing happens, and the announcer comes on: "We are expecting up to a foot of snow tonight, please make sure you are parked on the odd-numbered side of the road." The wife goes out and moves her car.

A few days later the same thing happens and the announcer comes on: "We are expecting up to two feet of snow tonight, please make sure you are parked on the-" but the power goes out in the middle of the announcement.

The blonde freaks out, "Which side do I put my car on?!"

Her husband tenderly confronts her saying, "How about we just leave the car in the garage this time?"