Clean Jokes

Joke: Knock knock!
Who's there?
Emerson!
Emerson who?
Emerson nice shoes you got there.

Joke: A cheap man goes to a restaurant with his wife and son. When he gets in he asks the host "How are your prices?"

The host replies "Well kids eat free."

The man replies "My son is really hungry, he's going to have three plates."

Joke: The FBI, the CIA and the LAPD all think they are the most efficient law enforcers, so they decide to have a contest. They release a squirrel into a forest and they all get a chance to catch it.

The CIA bugs the entire forest and gets animal informants. They then question all of the plants and mineral witnesses. But after four months, they conclude that the rabbit never existed.

Next the FBI comes in. After a couple of weeks they still have no leads so they burn the entire forest down killing everything, supposedly including the rabbit.

Finally, the LAPD comes in and comes out a week later with a bear. The bear is yelling, "Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

Joke: A man wakes up on his 33rd birthday on the 3rd day of the third month to notice the clock is stuck at 3:33. He opens up the newspaper and notices in the sports section (page 3) horse #3 in the 3rd race of the day is running 33 to 1 odds.

He takes all of his life savings ($33,333.33) out of the bank and bets it on the horse.

To his surprise, it comes in 3rd.

Joke: Knock knock!
Who's there?
Gone up!
Gone up who?
The bathroom is that way...