Funny Jokes

Joke: A blonde woman was going through a very difficult time in her life. She lost her job, her family, and all of her money. With nothing left to do, she decided to pray, "God, please let me win the lottery. I've lost everything." But the lottery came and she didn't win.

She prayed once again, "God, I know the chance of winning the lottery is low, but I need it. Please let me win." But once again the lottery came and went and she didn't win.

At this point she started to get angry with God, "Listen here God, I need to win the lottery. You owe me that much."

Suddenly light beams descend from the sky and God appears before her. She asks him, "God, why can't you just let me win?"

God shakes his head and said, "I'm doing everything I can. Could you meet me half way and actually buy a ticket?."

Joke: Why was the man so attached to his recliner?

Joke: A brunette woman challenges a blonde woman to a swimming race across the English Channel. The brunette tells her, "You have to breast stroke all the way."

The brunette finishes up the race within a few hours and waits for the blonde. She waits and waits and eventually falls asleep.

The next morning she wakes up to the blonde standing over her extremely angry yelling, "You used your arms!"

Joke: An ant and a centipede are hanging out and they run out of pop. The ant is going to get more but the centipede tells him, "Let me go, I'm faster with all of my legs." The ant agrees.

After waiting a couple of hours the ant calls the centipede, "What's taking so long?"

The centipede replies, "Hold on, I almost have my shoes on."

Joke: Why are people always mad when you hand them their 80th birthday card?